Me & The Dark Me
Okay, this in fact the hardest thing I ever did. Let's go.
Assalamualaikum and greetings to my most loyal readers.
The details I'm about to tell is worth focusing on.
Okay, let's begin.
In all my previous entries, they were more to a regrets I was facing. From the total alienation to my band's separation.
The real problem were not them. The problem is me.
First of all, the initiation of my university livelihood were misinterpreted by the demon inside me. The voices telling me that I am not okay. In fact, I am in my almost perfect condition. The whispers, the apparition, the nightmares, the phantom pains, the undying regrets, the absence of emotion, it were all the images of the rage of storm inside me. They haunts into every inch of me.
Then, my so-called band, The One Third. The early foundation of my band predates my university life. In fact, it was in my college years back in Penang Matriculation College (PMC). The on-top-of-the-world kind of feeling outshadows the real me. Back then, I was a little bit emo-ish and goth-ish due to my inner conflicts. I am an outgoing, extrovert, happy-go-lucky, warm kind of guy, due to the 'imprisonment' of the other me, the dark side of me. An unprecedented event took its toll, I was never the same again. The dark me broke through the bars and gain control over me. I was me until the dark me conquered me. With all due respect, the differences between me and dark me were close to non-existence. The only difference was I can control my self, dark me can't. After the dark-me-against-the-world thingy, the feeling of on-top-of-the-world becomes clearer. The band was form, dated my bandmate (a girl), went wild, uncontrolled freedom and even over-socialite. It was always about me, until that hurtful event occurred. 16th of April 2012 will always be remembered. Miss you momma, may Allah bless your soul. Ameen.
Later, back in university livelihood. The first two months were like a hell-on-earth kind of downturn to dark me. The explainable feeling makes me introverted, desocialized, loner, and even darker than before. People say, 'what goes around, comes around.'. Indeed it does. The darkest me was at its peak of triumph, before darkest me fall and stumble upon the ground, being helpless and lost. Sudden emergent of the light from every corner of my heart, makes it stop beating. It is He, Allah, that guides me by making me see her, the other side of real me.
Now, it is better than before, series of tests tested my faith to God Almighty. Her presence, biidznillah, opened my eyes to accept the truth, that I am who I am. Alhamdulillahi ta'ala...
Chronologically, my story is meant to be shared. It might be hard to accept something that is not understood. I've been there. Me is me. This is my resolution.
Me -> Dark Me -> Me -> Resolved Me...
Until next entry, in shaa Allah. Wassalamualaikum and goodbye...
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